Telling stories autobiographically and Lesbian Experiences with Loneliness

 God, what a title. Alright, one second let's recuperate a little bit and refocus. Today I wanted to talk about an author's works I read a little bit ago that kind of opened up my eyes to just how important it is sometimes to be as open and honest as possible when creating art. Not only that, but her works also showcase the importance of telling your story when it needs to be told, plus the need to always document what is going on with your life as it will help you remember important details in the future.

Kabi Nagata's My Lesbian Experience with loneliness is a short comic that outlines the author's experiences with love and loneliness in Japan. The work covers over 10 years of Nagata's life and sets out to reveal all the different ways that the author coped with loneliness and depression after losing "a place she belonged to".

The work then goes on to talk about how often, we are expected to follow a set of metanarratives laid out by society, and when we fail to do so we are looked down upon for not being able to meet them. What I appreciate so much about this work is that it lays out these ideas by simply talking about the effects that these expectations have on people and the ways that it makes them devalue themselves after not being able to meet them. Eventually, small things like getting out of bed or brushing your teeth become massive challenges that feel rewarding when you complete them, however, everyone else around you just sees it as lazy and unaccomplished. 

Eventually, the author realizes that she is not taking care of herself due to trying to meet these expectations placed on her that she could never follow. Once she stops prohibiting herself from experiences and ideas she once thought she was forbidden from, she starts to care more for her own self. She gains an appreciation for how important it is to openly embrace yourself and take care of the only body that you have. There's a specific part about "The me trying to please my parents" that really resonated with me in a lot of ways. I think over the years I have found that I tend to be the type to try to please my parents and follow their expectations for a studious and respectable kid. However, I have recently abandoned that mentality and my appreciation for myself has completely skyrocketed. I no longer have the same lack of care or attention for myself I used to have, similar to Nagata.

Now Nagata's story continues with her attempting to find love and affection through engaging in Lesbian sex with a prostitute, which is very cool! But not how this story applies to me. If you want to hear how that story ends then I suggest you check out her work it really is quite unique. Instead, I want to finish this blog by showing a panel from one of her later works in which she talks about how sometimes a story is so important to tell that you just can't stop yourself from creating it, something that for this project has been very very important for me. For me sometimes it feels like I lose all my ability to create, like I have said all I have to say, and like my stories are all going to be bland and boring now. But then recently it all kicked back into motion for me. I don't think I have been this happy in years, and it has brought back things into perspective for me and allowed me to create again! Similarly, after the release of My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness, Nagata fell into alcoholism and depression again after she made her parents be disappointed in her for writing about her experiences. She promises to never write autobiographical works ever again, however, this makes her unable to produce stories that are as interesting and impactful as that previous work. Only once she takes off her own mental limiter is she able to regain herself and come back stronger!